I admit it—I have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my “creativity” might get me in trouble. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. I was the tallest guy in line.
Nirjonmela Desi Forum
Talk about the things that matter to you! Wanting to join the rest of our members? Feel free to sign up today and gain full access!
Our base’s Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Then one day I couldn’t find it. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. “No, we don’t,” she said. “It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. So I quit ordering it.”
I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: “Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.”
Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. She also liked her scotch. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. He then added confidentially, “We’ve already been through three escorts. You’re the only one I can think of she won’t be able to drink under the table.”
As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, “What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war?!” My startled classmate sat up and responded, “Place a temporary filling, sir!”
When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. But something struck me as odd. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, “I didn’t get one of these!” “Ummm ... no, you’re good,” he mumbled. “That’s my wife’s breast pump.”
During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that night’s dinner. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, “Follow the directions carefully.” Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. “This is really good,” he said. “Are you sure you followed the recipe?”
I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Me: Hello? Caller: Is Sgt. Rodrigues there? Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number.(Hang up. R-i-i-ing!) Caller: Sgt. Rodrigues? Me: Still the wrong number. Caller: Do you have his right number? There’s a post recall and he has to go to work. Me: No, I don’t. (Hang up. And ...)second Caller: Is Sgt. Rodrigues there? Me: No. There’s a post recall and he went to work. Caller: OK. Thanks.
