While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officer’s dress blue uniform. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. He then made his way to my side. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, “The band entrance is that way.” —Gordon Van Otteren
Nirjonmela Desi Forum
Talk about the things that matter to you! Wanting to join the rest of our members? Feel free to sign up today and gain full access!
Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told we’d find a clipboard with our names on it. “Next to your name,” the sergeant said, “initial it.” Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. “Sergeant,” he said, “what if we don’t have any initials?” —Matthew Nazarian
Author Cindy Chupack coined these useful neologisms to help those dating today.
Man-me-downs: Men who are passed on from one woman to another after a failed attempt at romance.
Cupidity: The faulty logic that leads a well-meaning but clueless third party to believe that two random singles are perfect for each other.
DNRR (Do Not Resuscitate Romance): A directive that you are not, under any circumstance, allowed to revive a past relationship.
Man-me-downs: Men who are passed on from one woman to another after a failed attempt at romance.
Cupidity: The faulty logic that leads a well-meaning but clueless third party to believe that two random singles are perfect for each other.
DNRR (Do Not Resuscitate Romance): A directive that you are not, under any circumstance, allowed to revive a past relationship.
At a restaurant one night, the man at the next table was pulling out all the stops to impress his underwhelmed date. He crowned a lengthy list of lifetime achievements by stating, "At least I can say I have been a Hollywood movie producer." The woman nodded. "I'll make a note of that: ‘has-been movie producer.'"
A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him, and now he can say only one word a year. So he waits 14 agonizing years—accumulating all his words—before approaching his beloved. Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his heart skips a beat. He gathers his nerve, drops to his knees, and intones, "My darling, I have waited many years to say this: Will you marry me?" The princess turns around, smiles, and says, "Pardon?"
I suppose it speaks volumes about the state of my marriage when I admit to nodding knowingly at a remark made by a colleague.
She was telling me about the death of another co-worker's spouse, when she commented, "How sad. They'd been married only five years, so I imagine she still loved him."
She was telling me about the death of another co-worker's spouse, when she commented, "How sad. They'd been married only five years, so I imagine she still loved him."
Driving through Southern California, I stopped at a roadside stand that sold fruit, vegetables and crafts. As I went to pay, I noticed the young woman behind the counter was painting a sign. "Why the new sign?" I asked. "My boyfriend didn't approve of the old one," she said. When I glanced at what hung above the counter, I understood. It declared: "Local Honey Dates Nuts"
—Contributed by Theodore Bologna
—Contributed by Theodore Bologna
I met my husband while I was working in a science library. He came in every week to read the latest journals and eventually decided to take out the librarian instead of the books. After a year and a half of dating, he showed up at the library and started rummaging through my desk. I asked what he was looking for, but he didn't answer. Finally he unearthed one of the rubber stamps I used to identify reference books. "Since I couldn't find the right engagement ring," he said, "this will have to do," and he firmly stamped my hand. Across my knuckles, in capital letters, it read "NOT FOR CIRCULATION."
My boyfriend Hans and I met online. After dating a long time, I introduced him to my uncle, who was fascinated by the fact that we met over the Internet. He asked Hans what kind of line he had used to pick me up. Ever the geek, Hans naively replied, "I just used a modem."
The lingerie store where my aunt works was crowded with shoppers selecting Valentine's Day gifts for their wives. A young businessman came to the register with a lacy black negligee. My aunt noticed that the next customer, an elderly farmer, was holding a long flannel nightgown and kept glancing at the younger man's sexier choice. When it was his turn, the farmer placed the nightgown on the counter. "Would you have anything in black flannel?" He asked.
