একদম ফালতু কিছু জোকস (3 Viewers)

[Minni]

Every Valentine's Day our campus newspaper has a section for student messages. Last year my roommate surprised his girlfriend with roses and dinner at a fancy restaurant. When they returned from their date, she leafed through the paper to see if he had written a note to her. Near the bottom of one page she found: "Bonnie—What are you looking here for? Aren't dinner and flowers enough? Love, Scott."
—Contributed by Richard B. Blackwell

 

[Minni]

My high-school English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper. In hopes of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the valentine season, I sent her an extravagant heart-shaped box of chocolates with the pre-printed inscription: "BE MINE." The following day, I received in return a valentine from the teacher. It read: "Thank you, but it's still BE MINE-US."
—Contributed by Brad Wilcox

 

[Minni]

As Valentine's Day approached, I tried to think of an unusual gift for my husband. When I discovered that his favorite red-plaid pants had a broken zipper, I thought I had the "perfect Valentine." I had the pants repaired, and gift-wrapped them. On the package I put a huge red heart on which I printed: "My Heart Pants for You." I was the surprised one, however, when I saw the same heart taped to our formerly empty, but now overflowing, wood box. On it he had written: "Wood You Be My Valentine?"
—Contributed by Mary Lou Pittman

 

[Minni]

Have a date for Valentine’s Day? Hope it doesn’t end up like these 
@FirstDateHell dates. • He couldn’t remember my name, so he asked if I would mind if he just called me Amy instead. • In a restaurant, she said she did a great impression of a fax 
machine. Then she beeped loudly while unraveling a napkin from 
her mouth. • He said, “From your photo, I thought you were too good for me. I’m glad to see you’ve got flaws.” Then he listed them.

 

[Minni]

Knock! Knock! Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you and I don't care who knows it!

 

[Minni]

A father shows up at his daughter’s home and finds his son-in-law angrily packing his bags. “What’s wrong?” he asks. “I texted my wife that I was coming home today from my golfing trip. And what did I find when I walked through the door? Her making out with Joe Murphy! I’m leaving!” “Now, calm down,” says his 
father-in-law. “There must be a 
simple explanation. I’ll find out what happened.” Moments later, he reappears. “I told you there was a simple explanation, and there is,” he says. “She never got your text.”

 

[Minni]

Sarah Silverman tweeted, “When ur relatives drive you crazy just close your eyes & pretend it’s dialogue in 
a woody allen movie.” She got this 
response from Mia Farrow: “Tried that. Didn’t work.”

 

[Minni]

A man invited a woman over to his home for a seven-course meal. “That’s lovely,” she said. “What are we going to have?” He said, “A hot dog and a six-pack of beer.” —From Jokes Every Woman Should Know (Quirk), edited by Jennifer Worick

 

[Minni]

During World War II my parents had planned a romantic Valentine's Day wedding. Suddenly my father, then stationed at Camp Edwards in Massachusetts, received orders to prepare to ship out, and all leaves were canceled. Being a young man in love, he went AWOL. He and my mother were married four days earlier than originally planned and he returned to base to an angry sergeant. After hearing the explanation, the sergeant understandingly replied, "Okay, okay!" Then, as an afterthought: "But don't let it happen again!"
—Contributed by Sandra L. Caron

 

[Minni]

About a year had passed since my amicable divorce, and I decided it was time to start dating again. Unsure how to begin, I thought I'd scan the personals column of my local newspaper. I came across three men who seemed like they'd be promising candidates. A couple of days later, I was checking my messages and discovered one from my ex-husband. "I was over visiting the kids yesterday," he said. "While I was there I happened to notice you had circled some ads in the paper. Don't bother calling the guy in the second column. I can tell you right now it won't work out. That guy is me."
—Contributed by Pat Patel