A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, “How many people here make love once a day?” Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. “Once a week?” A third of
the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. “Once a month?” A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks, “OK, how about once a year?” One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked—this disproves his theory. “If you make love only once a year,” he asks, “why are you so happy?” The man yells, “Today’s the day!”
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A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, “How many people here make love once a day?” Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. “Once a week?” A third of
the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. “Once a month?” A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks, “OK, how about once a year?” One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked—this disproves his theory. “If you make love only once a year,” he asks, “why are you so happy?” The man yells, “Today’s the day!”
I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor.
He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, “I have a new obstetrician.” Sarah Parchert, Hoschton, Georgia
Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. And yet they’re as popular
as, well, a colonoscopy. Here are
comments purportedly made by
patients to physicians during their procedures. “Now I know how a Muppet feels!” “Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?” “Any sign of the trapped miners, chief?” Source: Dave Barry, in the Miami Herald
My teenage patient’s mother was concerned. “He must have a temperature,” she said. “He hasn’t taken our motorcycle out all day.” “Let me ask you,” I said. “Do you have a thermometer?” “No,” she said. “A Kawasaki.” Craig Ray, Johns Creek, Georgia
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday
I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!” The hypnotherapist shakes his head. “Not again …” Submitted by Alan lynch, Ithaca, New York
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby. "I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim cries. "He says you're gonna die."
Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children." St. Peter lets him enter. The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." St. Peter tells him to go ahead. The last man says, "I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care." St. Peter replies, "You may enter. But," he adds, "you can only stay for three days. After that, you can go to hell."
When I stepped on the scale at
my doctor’s office, I was surprised
to see that I weighed 144 pounds. “Why don’t you just take off
that last four?” I joked to the nurse’s
aide as she made a notation on
my chart. A few moments later, my doctor came in and flipped through the chart. “I see you’ve lost weight,” he said. “You’re down to 14 pounds.” Rachel Wagner, Bixby, Oklahoma
Three guys are fishing when an angel appears. The first guy says, “I’ve suffered from back pain for years. Can you help me?” The angel touches the man’s back, and he feels instant relief. The second guy points to
his thick glasses and begs for
a cure for his poor eyesight. When the angel tosses the lenses into the lake, the man
gains 20/20 vision. As the angel turns to the third fellow, he instantly recoils and screams, “Don’t touch me! I’m on disability!”
