When my coworker answered his phone, the confused woman on the other end asked, “Who is this?” “This is Steve. With whom did you wish to speak?” After a pause: “Did you just say whom?” “Yes, I did.” The woman replied, “I have the wrong number,” and hung up
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Gilding the lily is a job seeker’s birthright. Here are a few doozies, where the applicant claimed … ... to be a former CEO of the company to which he was applying. ... to be fluent in two languages—one of which was pig Latin. ... to be a Nobel Prize winner. ... to have worked in a jail when he was really in there serving time. ... he was fired “on accident.”
A welsh politician asked the government for information about UFO sightings and if it might fund UFO research. Officials wrote back, “jang vIDa je due luq … ach ghotvam’e’ QI’yaH devolve qaS.” Which means, “The minister will reply in due course. However, this is a non-devolved
matter,” in Klingon.
New York Times writer Amy Chozick giving an example of what
it was like working for a fashion magazine: “A girl got on [the elevator] with a Birkin bag, and her friend goes, ‘Oh, my God, I love your bag;
is that new?’ and she goes, ‘No, I got it, like, a week ago.’” Source: cosmopolitan.com
The James Bond film Spectre opens in November. Writer Peter
Anspach explains how he’d improve his odds if he were a film villain. • I will not fly into a rage and
kill a messenger who brings me
bad news just to illustrate how evil
I am. Good messengers are hard
to come by. • My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them. • If I’m eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have
to leave the table for any reason,
I will order new drinks for both
of us instead of trying to decide whether to switch with him. • My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through. • When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?” I’ll say no and finish him off.
Gauging from these exam
excerpts, my college dance students had better stick with pliés. “The costumes were vindictive
of the style of dance.” “I commend Bill T. Jones for
his acts of true kindness and
selfishness.” “Dancers must have long limps.” “At first, I had a hard time
understanding and interrupting
his movement.” “Savion Glover’s purpose is to cross all racial and ethical barriers with his dance.” Kathy Dubois,
During college, I worked on
a conveyor belt. One day, I was
on a blind date, and she asked me about my job. “I work at the end of a belt,” I said. With an ebullient smile, she asked, “Are you the buckle?”
thank man. thank you very much
