I supervised an employee who had a negative view of everything
I did. If I took a vacation day, I was “never there.” If I praised someone’s work, it was “too little, too late.” He eventually took another job
but was fired six months later. Shortly thereafter, he contacted
me, hoping to return to his old job. “Have you learned anything from this experience?” I asked. “Yes, I should have stayed here,”
he admitted. “You’re too indecisive to have ever fired me.”
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I guess this is what happens after you’ve worked at the same place for a while. I was eating at a fast-food restaurant when an employee began his shift by walking into the kitchen area and calling out, “Honey, I’m home!”
Before google, there were librarians. Here are some queries posed to the poor, suffering staff of public libraries: • A woman wanted “inspirational material on grass and lawns.” • “Who built the English Channel?” • “Is there a full moon every night in Acapulco?” • “Music suitable for a doll wedding to take place between a Shirley
Temple doll and a teddy bear.” • “Can the New York Public Library recommend a good forger?”
A woman called our airline
customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. “Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over. The customer was flummoxed:
“I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”
After football fans in Philadelphia were treated to a particularly excruciating loss earlier in the season, a man phoned a sports-radio talk-show host to say, “Everyone should call in and give one word for that game.” “What’s your word?” the host
replied. “Bored out of my mind,” said the caller
Librarians may be shy, but
their patrons aren’t. Look at their oddball requests: A patron offered me $100 to steal
a cactus from somebody’s yard. A patron wanted me to find a
book to teach her dog German. A patron on his way to the casino asked to rub my red hair for luck. A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn’t at work.
Scene: A radio newsroom. Caller: I just wanted to let you know you’re off the air. Host: Yes, we know. The engineers are working on it. Caller: It would be nice if you put something on the air that says that.
